In a quiet corner of the Twilight Café, Fay Wang sipped her drink and reflected on what it means to belong.

Raised by Chinese immigrant parents, the 18-year-old high school student has spent her life moving between cultures. “I definitely have to say that sometimes I didn’t feel Chinese enough, and sometimes I didn’t feel white enough either,” she told the Toronto Observer.

This tension is familiar to many Canadian-born Chinese people (nicknamed CBC), who feel caught between the expectations of Chinese tradition and the idea of Western freedom, especially in a city as diverse as Toronto.

For Wang, it’s not about race, but cultural fit. She grew up in North York, home to a large East Asian population, but there were still cultural divisions. At school, international students were surprised she spoke fluent Mandarin.

Other times, she said, her Western interests in music and politics felt out of place in more traditionally minded spaces. Early on, she felt like an outsider, too Canadian around international Chinese students, and too Chinese among Canadian classmates.

Our Canada, but whose identity?

While Canada prides itself on being a multicultural country, for many CBC youth, the journey to belonging is complicated. They face family expectations, stereotypes, and the challenge of fitting into both Chinese and Western communities.

In Toronto, young people like Wang and Steven Li are learning to define “Canadian” on their own terms.

Li, a 26-year-old investment analyst, came to Canada in Grade 5. “People would start small talk by asking, ‘Did you watch the game last night?’ And I’d have no idea what they were talking about.” Li said in an in-person interview conducted in Mandarin.

Despite spending most of his life here, he still feels more fluent in Mandarin than English, and he’s never fully felt Canadian. “At work, I know how to handle small talk, but it’s like I’m performing.” Li said. “In those moments, I felt the cultural gap.”

Research from Canadian Ethnic Studies and scholars like Mirella Stroink and Richard Lalonde shows this isn’t rare. Many second-generation immigrants face “bicultural identity conflict,” and struggle to reconcile two value systems.

Parental expectations tied with Asian culture

CBC youth often grow up with traditionally Chinese expectations at home. These values —like academic success and stable careers — can contrast with more Western ideas of self-expression.

”My sister was expected to keep her grades really high, and she ended up studying mechanical engineering at the University of Toronto,” said Wang. By contrast, she was raised more freely, a parenting style she sees as more Western.“They don’t really care what I do in the future, as long as I don’t fail or cause any trouble.”

Still, she noticed resistance when she pursued music seriously. “That’s very not traditional Chinese, you know?” she said. Her dad would ask, “Do you ever want to do business?”, a reflection, she believes, of his priorities: safety, success, and stability.

Li shared a similar story. Having studied piano for many years, Li once considered choosing music as his university major. “That was the one area where they pushed back,” he said. Li ultimately chose finance as his major, a compromise between passion and practicality, and now works in the financial industry.

Stereotypes and the pressure to belong

Stereotypes about Asians, like the idea that they’re good at math and science, persist. For Wang, that couldn’t be further from the truth. “Those are my worst subjects,” she said. Her interests lie in politics and law, fields she said aren’t typically associated with Asian students.

The label “banana,” which means yellow on the outside and white on the inside, is something many have heard before, often as a joke, but it can sting. For Wang, things improved when she found a friend group that didn’t judge based on background.

While she doesn’t have a clear definition of what being Canadian means, her journey—navigating expectations, resisting stereotypes, and carving out space for herself, reflects a story about identity that, for now, remains a part of Our Canada.