How to outlive the undead

Zombie-mania continues to spread like a virus through the population. Are you ready?

You can run, you can hide or you can fight, but unless you are prepared for the long haul, you won’t make it when the dead rise again.

Scarborough would be a nightmarish place to be during a zombie infestation.

Scarborough would be a nightmarish place to be during a zombie infestation. The high population density combined with the lack of easily defensible positions creates plenty of places for zombies to hide or launch a surprise attack.

But with tricks from survivalist gurus, you can tip the scales in your favour when it comes time to separate the zombie food from the zombie slayers.

Here is a definitive guide to surviving a zombie infestation in Scarborough.

Step 1 — You need H2O now

Run upstairs and fill your bathtub. During a global crisis, fresh water will become a commodity and your supply will be valuable.

Otherwise forget water from the tap. Municipal workers are notorious for taking days off. Besides, they’re trying to get away from the zombies too.

Step 2 — Hide upstairs, not down

Take stock of your supplies and bring them upstairs. Now destroy the stairs. Zombies can’t bite you if they can’t reach you.

What’s this? Your loved ones were downstairs when you destroyed the stairs? Too bad. You are a person of action. Indecision leads to zombification and there’s no way you were going to wait.

Step 3 — Camp out, don’t run

You have to stay upstairs for a week or two. Hopping in the car and fleeing the city is not an option.

The entire population of Toronto is already clogging every route. If you thought congestion was bad during rush hour, just imagine the traffic during a mass panic.

The roads will be one big zombie buffet and you will be glad you were not involved.

Step 4 — Escape to the park

Now that the herd has been thinned, it’s time to traverse the streets. But where do you go?

Just get anywhere away from people.

—Che

Scarborough’s large population can be a problem, so getting away from other humans is a top priority, according to Che, the founder of the Ontario Prepper Survival Network.

“You would want to head northeast into Rouge Park, or any sort of park would be ideal,” he said. “North of the 401, for sure. Find any sort of industrial factory. The train station north of Markham Road is also good. Just get anywhere away from people.”

Step 5 — Get armed, quietly

So you’re on the streets heading toward what you assume is a safe haven. You need weapons for the journey, preferably something that isn’t noisy.

“Although a shotgun or rifle would be effective, it would create a lot of noise,” Che said. “The best close-range weapon would be a machete.”

A spear or large bowie knife would also be good, he said. The crossbow is the ideal weapon for long-range urban survival. These weapons can be found at Bass Pro Shops, according to Che.

Step 6 — No going to the mall!

You decide the Scarborough Town Centre (STC) would be the best place to hole up, watch a movie and enjoy the last moments of your life. Well, you just got your wish.

Despite what movies like Dawn of the Dead or video games like Dead Rising would have you believe, a mall is not a very good place to hide out in. JP Richards, founder of The Running Dead 5K run, said there are logistical problems with trying to survive at STC.

“It’s on a subway line where zombies can travel from, no fences, it’s in a heavy industrial area,” he said. “You would get slaughtered.”

Step 7 — Don’t become dinner

Stay away from the Toronto Zoo. There are too many hungry animals. Who knows if they turn to zombies? A zombie lion? No thank you.

—JP Richards

So now you’re thinking about going to the Toronto Zoo. It’s gated, relatively far from heavy residential areas and devoid of life. Wrong!

“Stay away from the Toronto Zoo,” Richards says. “There are too many hungry animals. Who knows if they turn to zombies? A zombie lion? No thank you.”

Step 8 — Become a Bluffs warrior

Your whole life you have dreamt and fantasized about killing a very large zombie horde and walking away with not even a single bloodstain.

Well, the Scarborough Bluffs are the place to head to if your looking at not only surviving but thriving in a zombie-infested world.

For Peter (The Jedi) Lane, zombie survival camp enthusiast, you need to take the offensive by using the buffalo-jump-off trick to get rid of groups of them instead of just one at a time.

“So you hole up nearby the Scarborough Bluffs, and whenever you come across a large zombie horde you just push them off,” he said.